I love this show more than is healthy.

To say the very least, I put up with a lot. Growing up at home was a constant lesson in disappointment and pain. The fact that the sound of stumbling and yelling consistently woke me up in the middle of the night, the fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time in front of the wrong person and the sheer sadness of feeling like there’s something I did wrong to be so hated. That we were so hated. All of that had been weighing on me. Stacking on my back, day by day, month by month, year by year. Carrying it seemed to get harder and harder on me.

I was fifteen when my metaphorical back broke.

Dad had lost his job. I’m not sure exactly how, probably had to do with his drinking. Then again, he could’ve just been bad at his job. Fortunately for him, he was able to get unemployment. Unfortunately for us, all his checks went to support his other family. Jack, Jim and Jose. And they were always waiting for him at the bar.

The day was unmemorable in and of itself. It was a friday, I came home from school and started watching TV. I had just picked up a job at a movie theatre down the street from my house. It wasn’t glamorous, but what job for a teenager really is? Anyway, school aside, I had the day off so I decided to spend it at home with my oldest friend, television. The week had been long, school and homework and work was taxing on a kid like me, but I did what I needed to help support my dysfunctional family.

I didn’t expect anyone to be home until later, Felicia and Mom were on a little mother-daughter date, while Dad was probably at a bar on the cheating side of town. It was nice being alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom and sister, but listening to them go on and on about whatever it is women go on and on about is tiring.

My feet were kicked up on the arm rest of the couch, and my arm was hanging off the side of the couch. I was as comfortable as I could be when I heard the jingling of keys and the door unlocking. There was some mumbled cursing and then the door opened up. I exhaled in disappointment as my dad came in through the door. From movement alone I could tell he was kind of drunk. He looked at me and then at the TV screen.

“What the hell are you watching?”
“Music videos.”
“Music videos? Don’t you have homework or chores tonight?”
“I finished my homework and tonight is Felicia’s night.”
“Where is she then?” He said as he went into the kitchen.
“She’s with mom. I think they forgot about it because they’re having a night out.”
“Looks like you’ll be taking over Felicia’s chores then.”
I whipped my head in the direction of my dad, “But that’s not fair!”
“Then thank them for ditching you.” he stepped back into the living room with a beer.
“But you’re the one giving them to me, just wait til she gets home.” I sat up quickly.
“Don’t talk back to me you lazy little shit. If you would’ve done them like you’re supposed to, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” Dad twisted off the cap to his beer, drank from it and put it on the table while wiping his mouth.
“I’m lazy? Me? I have a job, where do you work?”
“Watch it, kid.”
“No, you watch it! I just wanted to hang out at home in peace, yet here I am arguing with a worthless drunk!”

The front door creaked, Dad and I both turned to see mom and Felicia standing there. Their eyes were wide, like they had seen a ghost. Which meant they must have heard a decent amount of this conversation.

Felicia motioned her hand in a “calm down” type of way and said, “Daniel, stop.”
“No! What are we doing living like this? I’m so sick and tired of it. If he hates us so fucking much why doesn’t he leave? Why does he stay and tear us apart over and over and over again?”

Dad took a step forward. “You talk to me in my home? Like this? In front of your mother an sister? I will not stand for this kind of disrespect.”
“No! Get away from me! I’m talking, you don’t get to anymore!”
“Little boy, I will—”
“You’ll what? Huh? Yell at me? Beat me?” My eyes burned red, but I kept the tears back. No more. Not today and not ever again. “Mom can’t even look you in the eye. Felicia and I have to hide whenever you come home. Drunk and angry and stupid! It’s your fault Mom cries herself to sleep at night, it’s your fault Felicia is left out of having fun with her friends and it’s your fault Diego left. Not mine! Yours!”

My dad reached out his hand towards me. “I will not be talked to—”

“I said get away!” I took deeper breaths. My heart felt like it would explode. “I take better care of Mom and Felicia now than you ever did! What did you do, Dad, when you got laid off? Nothing! Drink and smoke and blow our money! We pay for this house! All of us except you. We don’t deserve your anger, we don’t deserve your hate, we don’t deserve the pain and we don’t deserve you!”

He moved quickly to me. A lot quicker than I had thought he would, and slapped me across the face. So hard that I thought I could feel my teeth rattle. I dropped down.

The person that called himself my father stood over me. “You’re a man now are you?” Through blurred vision I could see him taking off his belt. “You thought I was tough on you before? I’ll beat respect into you.” The sting of leather whipping my back. “I’ll beat the insubordination right out of you.”

It felt like my skin had been ripping. The belt slapped my bare back. At some point he knelt down and pulled up my shirt. It hurt so bad. Stinging. Numbing. But I didn’t scream. I didn’t cry. I didn’t give him the pleasure. The taste of blood between my teeth as I clenched them together.

“Daddy stop!” Felicia’s voice seemed to stop the pain.

The barrage of whips ended. I looked up to see Felicia holding back dad’s hand, pulling it so he’d stop hitting me.

“Get off!” Dad yelled as he pushed Felicia away. She fell back into the small bookshelf by the TV. “Little bitch! You’re next!”

Now or never.

I stood up and mustered every ounce of strengh in me.

I hit him. I hit him across the jaw.
He stumbled back and I pushed forward, tackling him to the ground.
I tried getting up but he had a grip on me. So I did the only thing I thought I could do to get free.

I kneed him in the groin.

Needless to say, his grip loosened and I got up an away from him. He laid on the grounding. Quivering.

“Get out. Get out of our house.”

Dad crawled to the door and lifted himself up. “When I get back…”

“You’ll be talking to the cops.” Mom said. Her hands were clutching a telephone. “I called the police.”

Silence.
The longest silence.
He just shot look of rage towards all of us. Then he let out a yell as he punched the door and left.

We stood there staring at the door.

Suddenly, it hit me. The weight. I dropped to the floor, hitting my knees on the ground. Tears pushing through my tightly shut eyes.

I felt Mom and Felicia come and hug me. We sat there on the floor. Crying.

Time went by.
Police came.
We gave our stories.
Dad came while we were at school and Mom was at work, to take his stuff.

That’s how things end sometimes. Abruptly. No closure. Just one day there, the next, gone.

We ended up having to move, there was no way we could still live in that house. Too many ghosts.

As we left the house, I stood in the middle of a now empty living room. I closed my eyes and exhaled deep.

The scent of new beginnings. A new start. I never thought it would come. The smile I formed was somewhat bittersweet, but it better than how it could have been. I should be grateful for that. I am grateful for that. To dwell on why and why not would only lead to more heartbreak.

I walked out of the house, locked the door from the inside, and closed it.

Finally free.

It was prom night, Stephanie and I were dancing to the last song of the night. She looked beautiful, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her the entire night, I sure wasn’t going to now. We leaned in to kiss, and that’s when it happened. I stepped on her toes. It couldn’t have been one toe, it had to be all of them. She let out a scream and pushed away from me. The DJ abruptly stopped the record with a loud scratch, then everyone around us turned to focus on Stephanie and I. We had somehow made our way to the middle of the dance floor for maximum embarrassment.
She then screamed, “He stepped on my toes! And I just got a pedicure this morning!” She pointed down at her foot in a strappy shoe that was meant to show off her toes that were now inexplicably dirty and bruised. Gasps were heard from all directions.
A tall, athletic, blonde guy came to her aid and had her cry into his chest while saying, “A pedicure! Good god man, don’t you know how to dance? Have you no decency?”
Then, before I could even answer, I was pelted with various fruits and vegetables. Mostly tomatoes. All exploding furiously as they hit me. I watched in horror as a pineapple was flung and was descending towards my skull.

That’s when I woke up.
I guess you could say I was a little nervous about the dance tonight.

I stayed in bed a little while longer then rolled over to grab my phone. I had to call Stephanie to see if any of the plans had changed.

“Hello?”
“Hey Steph, it’s me.”
“Oh hey, I was just talking about you.”
“Anything good?”
“My dad just wanted to know what time you were going to get here?”
“He wouldn’t try to kill me until after the prom, would he?”
“Don’t worry, he’s not mad, there was no way you could’ve known he was allergic to peanuts.”
“Then I’ll be over around six?”
“Sounds good. The limo will be here around six-thirty then dinner with everybody, then prom night!”

We said our goodbyes then hung up.

I’m still really nervous but everything should go well. I mean, no revenge-seeking father is a plus, right?

My mom dropped me off at Stephanie’s house. It was good that she just dropped me off, my mom has a tendency to ask awkward and very embarrassing questions. I stepped out of the car wearing my black tuxedo and red vest, apparently her dress was red which meant I had to match. I still think I could’ve gone with the gold vest.

Stephanie’s mom and dad were outside and waved at my mom as I walked up. I slowed my walk and turned around to make sure my mom had left. She hadn’t. Quite the opposite. She got out of the car and came up to talk to Stephanie’s unsuspecting parents. She also had a camera with her. Oh lord, she planned this.

I let out a quiet whimper.

She walked up to Stephanie’s parents, shook hands and started talking to them. They talked and just stood there. Waiting. Praying. Please mom, don’t ask or say anything that would make them castrate me before the biggest night of my life. They all started laughing and then looked at me.

I had contemplated just walking to the prom, that is, until Stephanie came outside.

She stepped outside with the grace every female star of every teen comedy made in the late-nineties. I practically heard the song “There She Goes” as she walked towards me. Her dress red, a darker red, not blindingly bright but still very noticeable. Spaghetti strapped, tight and down to her knees. She filled every inch of that dress to perfection.

She came up to me and kissed my cheek. “Better shut that jaw before my dad does it for you.”
I shut my mouth and spoke through my teeth, “Would he really do that?”
“No, but you’re cute when you’re scared.”
“Hilarious.” I opened my jacket pocket and pulled out a corsage. “Here, I got this for you.”
Stephanie did that thing girls do when they’re excited and happy. She smiled, scrunched her shoulders up and quickly stamped her feet on the ground. I’ve dubbed this the “Happy-Girl Stomp”.
“It’s beautiful.” She said as I held the flower in front of her.
“I, um. I’m sorry if I poke you.” I had been so nervous about the actual dance I didn’t have time to be nervous about all the pre-dance stuff. I said a silent prayer and pinned her flower to her dress.
“Didn’t even hurt a little.” She said with a smile.

“Wait, wait, wait! Do that again but this time slower so we can take pictures!” My mom was yelling from across the lawn.

Dammit.

Stephanie took my hand and we went over to our parents so that we could pose and be blinded by that mysterious camera light that somehow hurts even in broad daylight.

After all of the picture taking, the limo showed up to take us away to dinner. We said goodbye to our parents and got in. We were the last to get picked up, Raymond, his girlfriend Tina, Scott and his girl of the week, Elise were all inside.

Us guys gave each other a fairly nonchalant, “What’s up?” and a handshake, meanwhile the girls gave each other a flurry high pitched compliments.

“Youlooksohot!”
“Whycantmyhairdothat?”
“Icouldneverwearthatdress.”
“Wheredidyougetyournailsdone?”
“Justlostfivepounds!”
“Oh.My.Gawd!” Followed by laughter.

I honestly couldn’t tell who was talking.

We got to the restaurant, some Italian place that I couldn’t pronounce or even spell without shaming myself, and sat at a huge booth in the corner. The place didn’t look like much from the outside, a small restaurant with tables along the windows that, when walking up, went about four or five tables left and right. Inside, it was dimly lit and all the tables had candles on them with nice white table cloths. Our booth was no different. The music sounded like, what I assumed, was traditional Italian music. Which means it sounded like that song from Lady & The Tramp.

Our waiter came to us an handed us our menus. I took a look and saw nothing had prices next to them. I let out a small sigh and felt very grateful that my mom gave me one hundred dollars for tonight.

We all ordered our food and talked throughout the dinner. Nothing terribly exciting. Mostly where we were going to go to college, what we wanted to do with our lives, stories from high school and what we were going to do during the summer. I didn’t do a lot of talking, Stephanie and I just kept giving each other glances and smiling at each other. After dinner all three girls went into the bathroom leaving us guys to talk.

Scott elbowed my chest and said, “Oh dude, you’re totally getting laid tonight.”
“I-I— you think?” I stuttered it out in a very confused manner because as much thought as I’d given making an ass out of myself on the dance floor, I hadn’t even thought about the whole losing-my-virginity thing. I know, I know, priorities.
“Yeah man, I saw the way you two were looking at each other, I’m a little surprised she didn’t bring you into the bathroom with her.”
My stomach dropped.
“Besides,” chimed in Raymond, “I heard she knows how to work it, you know?”
I whipped my head to Raymond, “Wait, what?!”

That is, of course, when the girls came back, shelving any chance at continuing current conversation and the fact that on top of toe-stepping and virginity-losing, I had to worry about this new piece of information.

The limo pulled up to where the prom was being held and we all got out and walked arm in arm with our dates to the auditorium. The auditorium? Well I’m not sure what you’d call it. Maybe a conference area. The building was connected to a hotel, a nice one at that. I guess this made the building more of a convention center and we were able to rent out one of the bigger rooms. Go high school committee, I guess.

After taking a few pictures as couples then as a group we went to the dance floor area. The whole place was decorated with blue and yellow balloons and streamers and even some moving lights that very much burned your retinas, should you decide to face them at an inopportune time. There was a few tables with punch and snacks. At this point in my life I didn’t drink, but if there was ever a time I needed my nerves calmed, this was it.

Tina grabbed Stephanie and said, “I LOVE this song! Come on, we’re all dancing.”
Stephanie turned to me with wide eyes and said, “Guess I’ll be back?”
Tina yanked her forward as the girls met up with more girls and made a fun little circle of them dancing and singing along to the song.

I sat down in a chair next to Scott and put my jacket on the back of the chair. Scott handed me a cup of punch.
“You’re a sweet guy, Scott, Tina is lucky to have you.”
“Shut up.”
We sat in silence and watched the girls a little more. Then I broke it with a question.
“Hey, what did Ray mean by what he said?”
“Dammit, Daniel, I knew you were going to ask that.”
“What? It’s a simple question.”
“Dude, listen, Ray doesn’t know shit. You know half the shit he says is made up, and the other half is horribly exaggerated.”
“Yeah, but, there’s always SOME truth to his bullshit.”
“Well this I don’t know. You’d have to ask him.”
“Dammit. And good luck to me in finding him. We’re two songs in and I already don’t see him or Elise.”
“Personally, I think he just wanted to fuck her with the dress on. Look, just enjoy your night. This is as much her night as it is yours. Don’t let shit in the past make you worry like this. You’re with her, she’s with you.”

I looked down and locked my hands together then brought my head up to look at her again. The music played and everything about her seemed to flow. The way her hair moved, her eyes closed, her smile, the way she swung her hips. She was beautiful. She was mine. That’s all I needed.

I got up and made my way to her, taking her hand and dancing with her. Keep in mind, I never dance. I hate dancing. Mostly, because I’m a bunch of jumbled limbs flailing and hoping for minimal casualties. Here though, she guided me. Made it seem so simple. Didn’t matter whether she was facing me or turned around swinging her hips and grinding against me. My hands in her hands. My hands up and down her sides. Stomach. Legs.

Oh damn.
Suddenly flashes of my seventh grade puberty attacks sprouted in my mind and it sure as hell wasn’t the squeaky voice part I was worried about.

I took a deep breath and felt myself go stiff. My body, not… You know. I tried to put any image in my mind to take my mind off Stephanie. Well. Her ass at least. Baseball, football, wrestling and nine were working. Which was a bit concerning to me but one problem at a time.

I had just about given up when the sing changed. I let out a quiet “thank you” to whatever prom DJ god there might be and took Stephanie’s hands. We started swaying to the music, kissed and kept each other close. I turned my attention to the ground where I made a terrifying realization: she was wearing red strappy shoes an her toenails looked amazing. Open-toe shoes and clumsy Daniel means horribly ended prom. Which I believe because I always take my batshit crazy dreams seriously.

“Toestoestoestoestoestoestoes.” I whispered to myself while staring down.
Stephanie finally took notice. “Um, Daniel?”
“Toes!” I said loudly.
“Toes? Baby, you’re kind of making me nervous. And I think we can both agree takes a lot to do.”
“Toes? No not ‘toes’, I said, uh, ‘toast.’”
“Toast?”
“Yeah, let’s uh, toast to this evening. To the best prom date a guy could ask for.”
“You’re strange, but I think that’s why I like you so much.”

We left the dance floor and got more punch. Crisis averted. For now at least.

The night went on, dancing, laughing, talking, prom king and queen announced (it wasn’t either of us so what does it matter?) and finally the night was wrapping up with one last slow song.

We kissed, and as we pulled our lips apart I told her, “I really don’t want tonight to end yet.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have some money, we’re both eighteen, we can get a room here.”
My chest got tight. “What about the whole bringing-you-home thing?”
“I told my mom I was going to stay with Tina tonight. She may or may not believe that but, point is, I knew I wanted to stay with you.”
I nodded my head, “Ok, let’s get one.”
“I’ll go see pay for the room right now.”
“Sounds good, I’ll grab my jacket and meet you in the lobby?”
“Yeah.” She smiled and kissed me, then left.

I grabbed my jacket and put it on. I put my hand in my pocket and found three condoms inside and a post-it that said:

“Here. I brought too many. - Ray”

That guy is like a sexual Batman or ninja.

I went to the lobby and met with Stephanie. We took the elevator to the fifth floor and went into our room. Room 515.

The room was a dark blue. Darker than navy blue but still distinctive enough to not be black. There was one bed with white blankets and pillows. And one pillow with a wacky abstract design on it. Weird.

I kicked off my shoes and sat on the bed. Stephanie got on and massaged my shoulders then kissed my cheek.

“So,” I said a bit shaken, “What do you want to do?”
She answered by turning my head to her kissing me, softly but pulling my lower lip as the kiss ended.
“Hold that thought.” I got up and went into the bathroom.

I stood in front of the mirror and turned on the water faucet. Alone with my thoughts.

Ok Daniel think. This is happening. This is real. Shake it off, you’re fine. She’s fine, we’re both fine. Just go out there, put that thing on your thing and just have at it. (Have at it?) Do it. She already had sex though. With that one asshole, bully bastard. (Maybe Ray was wrong?) No of course he wasn’t wrong, there’s no way she planned all this without knowing what was going to happen. (What if I’m not good enough?) How good could I possibly be? Really? First time? Crap. I can’t do this. (But she already got the room.) And how do I tell her I’m not ready? She’d dump me on principle alone. I know! I could tell her I can’t get it up.

I almost dented my skull with how hard I palmed my forehead.

Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. Just go out there and tell her you’re sorry. Tell her you’re just not ready. And if she can’t accept that, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. (Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.)

I turned the bathroom knob and went out into the room.

The room was dim. Very dim. I guess this place has dimmer switches and she had put it on it’s lowest setting.

There she was on the bed. Laying on her side at the foot of the bed facing me. She was still in her dress, with a hand between her thighs. Her other hand holding her head up. Our eyes locked and she bit her lower lip slightly.

I walked towards her, unable to speak. I could only think, and my only thought was her. I got to the bed and she got on her knees, still on the bed. I put both my hands on her cheeks and I pushed forward and kissed her. I kissed her with every ounce of passion and ferocity I could muster. I thought of every date. Every time she held my hand. Every time she looked in my eyes. And laughed at my jokes. Every time she kissed my cheek. My lips. Everything she had given me. All of it, I put into that kiss. One kiss to show her just how much she meant to me. To show her I was ready.

I felt her undoing buttons on my shirt and on my pants, clothing fell to ground as I took off her dress. I made my way on top of her and we got under the blankets. We smiled and laughed quietly while we lost the rest of our clothes, never really separating our lips.

I felt her, every inch of her skin on my fingertips. Kissing up and down her down. Her hands on my back. Me on top. Her on top. Breathing hard. Hand in hand. I’m not sure how long we went on for, but it was longer than either of us had thought I would have been.

It ended with her on top. Her body falling on mine. She kissed my chest and laid her head down on it’s side.

“I can hear your heartbeat.” She said.
I just smiled and let out a little laugh and replied, “How does it sound?”
“Happy.”

We stayed still for about an hour. I couldn’t fall asleep, but I didn’t want to keep her awake if she was tired. I just tried to match her breathing with mine, running fingers through her hair, and taking in everything she had.

Suddenly, she broke the silence. “I think I’m really falling for you.”
“I think I already fell for you.”
“Really?”
“Really. I can’t imagine days without you. Hell I can’t even think of a time you weren’t on my mind.”
“I’m glad you said that. I feel the same way. I just, we haven’t been dating for too long, but this is so good.”
“I’m really glad Michelle embarrassed me that one day.”
“So am I.”
Stephanie pulled herself up so we were face to face, “So,” she said with her rubbing my stomach, “Wanna do it again?”
I nodded my head, “Yes, please.”

Yeah.
I love her.

It was warm even for being the middle of May. I didn’t mind though. I liked being able to wear a t-shirt and jeans. It was comfortable, which was great because at least I was able to be comfortable physically. Mentally, I was still more than a little screwed up thanks to the emotionally crippling misadventure that was my relationship with Emma. The word ‘relationship’ is used very loosely here. It was more like a string of arguments and infidelity. We had been broken up for a little while, I’d say about three weeks, and we already did the requisite hooking up with each other post break-up. Fact is we did it two days after we ended. I picked her up from work, we got hammered, went back to her place and somehow found the energy to screw.

I’ve never known what it is about needing to have one last fling with the person that breaks up with you. Closure? Maybe just because you can? It’s confusing. What’s even more confusing is who she started seeing after me.

Her name was Vanessa. Yup. Vanessa. I wasn’t dumped FOR her per se. But the amount of time between me and Emma and then Emma with her didn’t exactly leave me comfortable. I mean, it was one thing to go off and fuck guys that she didn’t fuck while with me (as short as that list was) but another girl? At this point, I would’ve liked it to be another dude. I’d understand that. Maybe this guy was bigger than me. Maybe this guy lasted longer than me. But another girl? No offense to gays, but that stings to have been with a girl who showed no signs of being attracted to women, and suddenly wake up one day and say ‘fuck it, I’ll kiss a girl and I’ll like it.’ After she told me about their little sex-capades, Emma let me know that they were just friends. Nothing more and nothing less. It didn’t make me feel better, but hey, at least she’s at square one again like me. Even though three weeks into being single, she’s already fucked more girls than I have.

As I said, this warm, May weather was just what I needed. I was driving around trying to clear my head when I decided to call Emma and ask if I could pick up my stuff from her house. We were still technically on good terms but I just wanted to have nothing to tie me to her. I was trying to phase her out and it was becoming an increasingly difficult endeavor.

“Hello, Emma?”
“Yeah?”
“Hey, I’m kind of in your neighborhood and I wanted to know if there was any way I could pick up the rest of my stuff from there.”
“Why do you have to do this now?”
“Because I’m kind of in your neighborhood and I figure I might as well?”
“You know, this is really selfish of you. I’m having a horrible day and I’m so stressed and then you add to it with this.”
“Look, if now’s a bad time I can call back.”
“No, whatever. Just come in and go. I’ll leave the door unlocked for you.”
“Ok thanks.”
That went about as well as it could have.

I put my phone down and continued to drive down her street and parked in front of her house. I got out and walked up to the door. Unlocked. Thank god. I went in and the sound of a hair dryer being used came from the bathroom. More thanks to god, she wont even notice me here. I walked up the stairs and took the left into her room. I looked around and grabbed a book, a DVD, some shirts and sweats I had left then made my way back to the front door. As I started down the stairs I heard her hair dryer turn off. Dammit. Shit. I don’t want to go through this.

“Daniel?”
“Yeah, just me, I’m on my way out don’t worry.”

I had almost made it to the bottom when she walked around to the bottom and met me there. She had a white towel wrapped around her body and her hair still looked wet. She looked hot, but dammit, this was not helping the getting over her part of the plan.

“I’m sorry I went off on you earlier.”

Hearing this, the answer I came up with was “You should be, you crazy bitch”. That isn’t what came out.
“That’s fine,” I said. “Like you said, you’re having a bad day.”
“I am. I really am. Today Joanna is flying into town and I want to show her a good time, but I don’t know how I’ll be able to do that.”
The logical rebuttal? “Maybe you could sleep with her.” Again, a different answer came out.
“I’m sure you’ll find something, every place will be new to her so even the worst places to you will seem exciting to her.” Christ almighty, Daniel, you are a grade-A bitch.
“Would you want to meet up with us? She’s heard a lot about you and it’d be nice if my best friend could meet my best ex.”
Say no say no say no say no say no.
“Yeah, that’d be really nice.”
“Cool, I’ll text you the details after I figure out where we’re going.”

We said our goodbyes then I went to my car, got in and turned it on. I drove around the corner and dropped my head on the steering wheel. No way this ends well at all. I lifted my head a little and then dropped it back down. Ouch. I took a deep breath and started driving home. I had work in a few hours and after that, I was going to further damage myself emotionally. Lots to do and less time to do it.

Work went by quick enough. Fold clothes, get yelled at by crazy boss, contemplate tossing myself out of second story window, lunch break and repeat. My shift ended, I threw on my favorite black leather jacket, and walked out the door. Outside was still warm, but not so warm that I would cook inside my jacket. The sun was barely going down and I pulled out my smokes from inside my jacket pocket. I lit one up and took a drag. I took my phone out to check my text messages and found one from Emma:

“Come pick us up at my house at 8. Dinner then drinking (:”

I had already decided that drinking on my part was going to play very heavily into this evening so it was good she had that mindset too. I looked at the time. I had thirty minutes to get to her house. I know I shouldn’t care if I’m late, but I’ve always been a stickler for punctuality. Even if it is for a crazy bisexual ex-girlfriend.

I walked to my car and, along the way, kept reassuring myself that although I know that this whole hang out session is the mother of all bad ideas, it could still turn out to be a good idea.

I got to her house and parked right in front. I sat there. I just sat. I hated this feeling. That horrible feeling when you know what you’re doing is wrong, but your brain continually makes your body do the exact opposite of “go home”. I was about to get out of my car when Emma’s front door opened, a girl with a black pencil skirt and a loose fitting white top came out. She was wearing black heels and her hair was up, though that still didn’t quite hide how curly her hair was. That had to be Joanna, since it sure wasn’t Emma. Emma definitely didn’t have legs like that. Emma did follow after though in a tight black dress. Very casual, but it fit her well and complemented all her parts. Two specific ones. They both approached the car, Emma sat in front while Joanna got in the back.

“Daniel this is Joanna, Joanna this is Daniel.”
We all said our hellos then I started driving towards downtown San Jose.
“So where are we headed?” I asked without looking at either of them.
“Oh take us to that vegan place off of First St. I told Joanna about it and we really want to go.”
“Vegan place it is then. Are you vegan, Joanna?”
“No but we don’t have very many vegan restaurants where I’m from so I thought I’d try it.”
“Yeah, Emma’s not really vegan either but it’s pretty trendy to be one in California, or at least northern, so she decided to do it too.”
Through the corner of my eye I saw Emma shoot a cold hard stare in my direction. Joanna and I glanced at each other through the rearview mirror. She covered her mouth with her hand to hide her smile.
“I just like opening my horizons a bit, it’s never too late to change, Daniel.” Emma stated matter-of-factly.
I kept facing the road and smiled to myself. Take that, bitch.

The restaurant was pretty much a hole in the wall. Posters for live bands and protests and other various activities littered the huge window and made it more of a wall since you couldn’t see inside or outside anymore. Inside, there were two small booths and three smaller tables, and towards the back, a small bar that could seat maybe six or seven people. I can’t believe this business has lasted, I mean, what could a lunch or dinner rush do with so little?

As it was, there were only two people inside sitting at a booth. We headed over to the bar and sat down. We sat down in this order, Joanna, Emma and me. It made the most sense since Emma would want to talk to us equally and since I didn’t know Joanna, well, I wasn’t going to argue. At this point anyway, all I wanted was a beer. The only beer they had was on tap. The only one that looked appealing was the hemp beer. After I had ordered and received it, I came to the conclusion that it only looked good. I kept it close but only taking sips. The after taste was nothing to take lightly.

The evening was going fairly well. There had been no awkward conversation and unless I was mistaken, Emma had been flirting with me. This is good. I think. Probably not. But two hemp beers in, I was determined to go home with her.

Emma stopped talking suddenly, pulled her phone from her purse and stood up. “Oh! Joanna! There’s someone I want you to meet!” Emma darted to the door and I sat next to Joanna and gave her a puzzled look.

I turned my attention to the door in time to see Emma hug and kiss Vanessa. My body started to shake and my stomach dropped about as low as it could. Joanna turned to me and asked who that was. I couldn’t speak. I could barely breathe. That fucking bitch.

Vanessa came up to us wearing black, faded pants and a grungy looking black Bob Marley t-shirt. Her Converse high-tops looked like they were ready to fall apart too. Hippie slut. She waved to me with a smile and her other hand in Emma’s hand.

“Everybody, this is Vanessa, this is everybody. Oh, but you’ve met Daniel before right?”
“Hi. Yeah, I’ve met Daniel before, of course. How are you?”
“Well this hemp beer appears to be numbing my body, but I think something stronger is in order.”
“They don’t serve anything stronger.”
“Then this is going to be an even longer night than I thought.”
Emma walked by with Vanessa and slapped the back of my shoulder. “Don’t be so fucking rude.”

Yes. I’m the rude one. Bringing my lesbian lover friend to hang out with my ex-boyfriend and visiting best friend. Where do I get off? A fucking prick is what I am. Ross from Friends didn’t even have it this bad. At least he got Jennifer Aniston when she was still hot.

The majority of dinner was Emma and Vanessa canoodling at the bar. Which was bad enough that I actually had no other way to describe it than the term “canoodling”. It got to the point that Emma was sitting on Vanessa’s lap and making annoying compliments to each other. They weren’t doing baby-speak to each other, but there was a lot of “you’re so cute” and “no, you’re so cute” type phrases. Of course, no one else seemed bothered by this blatant display of affection. We were in a hippie, free-love, crappy beer bar.

Joanna got out of her seat and grabbed her purse. “Hey Emma, I kind of want to check out the bars in the area, you mind if Daniel and I go? You two can meet up with us when you’re done eating.”

“Sure Jo, that’s alright. We might stay for dessert too.” She turned to Vanessa and kissed her again.

I rolled my eyes, got up and threw ten dollars on the counter. Here’s hoping I never step foot in this place again.

Joanna and I left and walked over to the nearest bar we could find. A place called The Hole. I think what they were going for was more akin to a ‘water hole’ but instead got a place Cinnamon and Starla could drink at after stripping at The Hot Dog. That place was appropriately named.

We sat down and I ordered two shots of vodka. Doubles. I think she ordered something too but I was too busy finishing my shots and reordering.

“Hey slow down there sailor, you’re gonna hit the rocks real quick.”
“I just, it’s been a bad night.”
“Emma and that girl?”
“I didn’t expect her to bring her along.”
“Well I didn’t even know there was another girl. She just said she ‘met someone else.’”
“I’m not mad she’s seeing other people, but I am pissed that she decided to throw said people in my face.”
“She’s always been like that though.”
“Always the victim. Never wrong.”
“So above being petty. Matured at a young age.”
I let out a chuckle then, “I thought you two were supposed to be best friend’s or something.”
“We are, but at the same time, I know how unfair she can be. Is. And it’s not right what she’s doing tonight.”
“Hence, the impending liver damage.”
“Why don’t I buy us the next round?”
“Because, no wait, there is no reason why you shouldn’t. Barkeep!”

The evening went on and Joanna and I kept talking. She was fun. Intelligent. Pretty. At least I think she is. We talked about all our drunken adventures and how crappy the music was at this bar and how great cheap drinks are and all that fun crap that was made even better by drinking. We even added each other on Facebook. Hell, she even got me to dance with her maybe the excessive liquor had something to do with that too though. We slowed the shots down and started drinking beer to level us out. It made sense at the time. What didn’t make sense is how we had been sitting at this bar for over two hours and yet hadn’t heard from Emma at all.

“Think we should call her?” I asked, staring at my phone’s screen.
“Doesn’t matter, I’m having fun here. With you.” Her hand slid up my leg to my hand. “Aren’t you having fun?”
“The most I’ve had in a long time.”

We moved closer together, then we both leaned in. The kiss started soft at first. We both knew there had to be something wrong with this, but as our kiss got deeper and harder, I found myself caring les and less.

Right up until I was spun around on my stool and slapped across my face.

Emma’s green eyes wide and turning red. She looked like she was hyperventilating. Before I could even react she slapped me again. “What the fuck are you doing?” She screamed, “How could you do this to me?”

“Me? We’re broken up!”
“So you just take my friend who came to visit me, and get her drunk and shove your tongue down her fucking throat?”
“Yeah, ‘visit you’, so where the fuck were you? Off fucking your pretty little girlfriend? If I had stayed any longer in that restaurant I would’ve seen you eat her like she was on the menu!”
“You disgusting pig!” Emma started hitting me again when security came, pulled her off me and threw me out.

Yeah. I got kicked out.

Joanna ran outside to meet me, Emma and Vanessa followed immediately after.

“You didn’t have to hit him, Emma!”
“You’re lucky I didn’t slap you too. How could you let him do that to you?”
“We were talking. He’s funny. And cute. It wasn’t like he was the one that initiated it.”
“You mean—?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.”
Emma closed her eyes and her voice cracked more and more. “Come on, we’re going back to my house.”

The girls left and I took a cab back to my house. When I got home I put an ice pack on the right side of my face. She hits hard. Nothing to judge here. I sat on my couch and turned on some music. What an end to a crappy-then-awesome-then-crappy-again night.

A knock at the door. What now?

I got up and opened the door, in front of me was Joanna.

“Emma won’t let me stay at her place. I think I’m going to go home tomorrow.”
“How did you find my place?”
“You have your address on Facebook. I just told the cab to bring me here.”
“What about your stuff?”
“I can get it in the morning.”
I stood aside and let her in. “What’s that all over your shirt?”
“Beer. When Emma turned you around, you spilled your beer on me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, I feel horrible.”
“You shouldn’t, we didn’t do anything wrong. For the first time in a long while I felt good. All Emma did was make me feel like shit. I’m glad you came.”
“So am I.”

Before I knew it, her body was against mine with her arms around my neck. My hands on her waist. Continuing our interrupted kiss from the bar. It was even more passionate now. Hotter. I needed this and I wanted her. We made our way to my bedroom leaving a trail of clothes behind us.

After school I got home, walked down the hallway that led to my room and sat down on the floor against my bed. I took the now folded piece of paper that had Stephanie’s phone number on it and placed it next to my phone. I leaned my head back and rested it on the mattress of my bed, then let out a sigh. The clock said I had about seven hours until my window to call shut. Might as well be seven years. I turned on some music and started playing a video game hoping that time would go by faster.

It didn’t.

I was nervous. I didn’t even know what we would talk about once I got her on the phone. And what if she doesn’t pick up? What if it’s her mom, or worse, her dad? I hate talking to people that aren’t the intended person I was hoping to contact. It’s part of the reason I don’t like walking up to a door and ringing the bell or knocking. I didn’t say it wasn’t weird, I’m just saying I don’t like it.

Nine o’clock rolled around and I figured, now was as good a time as any to call. I mean, hopefully whatever she was doing with Michelle would be done and hopefully it would actually be Stephanie that picked up. Also, I had rehearsed potential conversations enough times that anymore would be overkill. I punched in her number and put the handset to my ear holding it with my shoulder.

Ring one. No answer.
Ok deep breath. Just say hi.
Ring two. No answer.
Any second now.
Ring three. Again no answer.
Crap. What if she’s not home?
Ring four. Still, no answer.
Oh, god. What if I have to leave a message?
Ring five. No answer.
Dammit. Leaving a message was not something I rehearsed.
Ring six.

“Hello?”
“Hey, Stephanie? It’s, uh, it’s Daniel.”
“Oh hey, Daniel, you have great timing, Michelle just left.”
“Well, I am a man of many talents.”
“Is that right?”
“Yeah, I pick out my own outfits and sometimes, I even tie my own shoes. No velcro straps for this guy.”

She giggled. It was a nice sound. A few ‘hehehe’ types with a little high pitch at the end, as though she took a breath.

“I am definitely glad you decided to share that. So what are you doing tonight?”
“Oh, you know, playing video games and punk rock and snacks. Basically living the dream of every teenager alive.”
“I bet you get all the girls with lines like that.”
“I practically have to beat the off with a stick. You?”
“Well, hot chocolate, Friends reruns and bed.”
“You party animal, you. I don’t think you have a leg to stand on judging me and my life out of school. Or lack thereof.”
“At least I have Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Phoebe. Who do you have?”
“I have an overweight plumber in overalls. His brother might come too. I don’t know where my life went.”

We both started laughing. Suddenly minutes on the phone turned into hours. I didn’t even notice that there were no awkward silences, we talked about movies and music and clothes (ok I just listened to her talk about clothes while I made agreeable grunts) and it was great. A little after midnight I was laying in bed, still on the phone, and we were both falling asleep.

“Call you tomorrow?” I asked with a dragged out yawn.
“You better.”
“I had a really good time talking to you tonight.”
“Mmhmm.”
“Goodnight.”
“Night.”

And that’s how it happened. Casual conversations over the weekend. Nothing exciting, just talking and laughing, carrying interesting and funny conversations until our parents told us to keep it down. By Monday she was waiting by my locker for me between classes, then I’d walk her to her class and I’d be late to mine but screw it, I wanted to be around her. Our walks and lunches and late night calls were a daily thing.

It had only taken a week, but any free time we had was spent with each other, most of the time we would be talking on the phone. We’d call each other the moment we got home then stay on the phone all night, save for hanging up to eat with family and other such nonsense. We’d be on the phone and not even say anything sometimes, but there would always be something on TV or on the radio that would spark some sort of conversation so it was never an awkward silence. My favorite part of it being quiet was when she would sing songs quietly almost to herself but loud enough that I could tell that she didn’t care if I heard. She wasn’t going to win American Idol anytime soon, but it was nice hearing her sing along to New Found Glory or The Ataris or any of the other bands we listened to.

While we were on the phone that Friday night, pieces started falling together. For one, I had started imagining us going places together. I’d picture us at the mall or at the Warped Tour, which was a music festival composed primarily of punk bands but would throw in other genres here and there. I would see us going to the beach and having dinner, going to movies or staying in and watching. That’s when it hit me. We’ve never even hung out outside of school and here I am thinking about plans for us. Crap. Is this how this works?

“Earth to Daniel!”
I almost dropped the phone.
“Oh damn, hey what?”
“I said, do you know of any good movies coming out?”
“Movies? No. Everything is horrible now.”
“Well that’s a glass-completely-empty way of thinking.”
Now or never I decided.
“Actually, there’s this theatre downtown that shows old movies Saturday nights, did you want to go watch something there?” My stomach was in knots. The precious few seconds that passed after I asked my question was the longest I had ever known.
“Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun.”
“You—you do? That’s great! Right? Yeah, I’ll look to see what’s playing tomorrow.”
“No don’t even look. I want to be surprised.”
“You do? Why?”
“That way if it’s a terrible movie, it’ll be your fault for picking it.”
“The theatre always plays awesome old movies. You won’t be disappointed.”
“I better not be, or else I’m gonna beat you up. And I could do it too. I’ve been working out.”
“I’ll keep my guard up.”

We made plans to meet at the theatre at eleven saturday night. She said something about having to tell her dad she was with some of her girl friends since her dad hadn’t met me yet. I decided to tell my mom that I’d be out with the guys since every time i even mention a girl my mom plays twenty questions with me about them. We hung up soon after and I laid down in bed. I closed my eyes and then opened them. There is no way I’m sleeping tonight.

The next night came soon enough, and after hours of deciding, I ended up putting on a black and white plaid button up shirt and dark jeans. I put some gel in my hair, grabbed my skateboard and went out the door. When I got to the theatre I saw Stephanie already standing there waiting for me.

She was wearing black ankle boots with skinny, dark jeans. Her blouse was red with three buttons in the front, and a black jacket on. I got off my board and walked up to her and we hugged.

“Hey, you weren’t waiting long were you?”
“No, I just got dropped off a few minutes ago.”
“Oh good, so what movie is playing?”
“Something called ‘Army of Darkness’. I’ve never heard of it.”

My eyes lit up and I smiled wider than I’m sure I’ve ever smiled before.

“Oh my god that’s awesome! Let’s go!” Without even realizing it, I grabbed Stephanie’s wrist and pulled her to the theatre to buy our tickets.

We walked in the lobby and I took in that familiar strong scent of popcorn, pretzels, nacho cheese and other assorted over-priced movie snacks.

“Oh snacks!” Stephanie looked at me and smiled.
“Snacks?”
“Snacks. I want some.”
“But snacks here are horrible.”
“But snacks are amazing. Especially if I’m sitting through something called ‘Army of Darkness’.”

Then she put her hand in mine and pulled me to the line for snacks. My hand. A surge of adrenaline went through my whole body. I almost lost my footing. We stood in lone holding hands. She didn’t even think it was a big deal. At least, it didn’t seem like she did, but there we were. Still just standing there. Still holding hands. Oh my god, I hope my hand doesn’t start sweating.

We ordered our popcorn and sodas and she happily munched on her nachos as we found our seats and waited for the movie to start. Stephanie looked at me and held up the nachos offer me some.

“No, thanks, but um, you have cheese on your cheek.”
“I have cheese face?” She wiped both her sides of her face. “Ever the graceful eater.”
“You were excited. Sometimes there’s uncontrollable face stuffing.”

The movie started, but for the beginning part, I kept her in my peripheral. I watched her reactions to the movie. The way she kept stifling her laughs and shaking her head at the screen. I know it sounds corny but she was just amazing. I felt lucky to have her there.

After about thirty minutes she leaned in to whisper something in my ear.

“This movie is so bad.”
“What are you talking about? This is cinematic genius.”
“‘This is my boomstick’?”
“Classic.”
“And the way the chainsaw just attached to his arm? That wouldn’t happen.”
“I have it on good authority that this is based on a true story.”

She put her hand on mine and got a little closer.

“If it weren’t you saying that, I’d know you were joking.”
“Check the history books. It might even be in the bible.”
“Oh sacrilege too, so very talented.”
“I can spin my binder on my finger too.”
“Would love to see that.”

We leaned in closer.
Our eyes closed.
Closer.

Thunk.
Our foreheads collided.

I felt her face scrunch as she smiled. We realigned our heads and this time, our lips met for our first kiss. We kissed, and for the first time it felt right. Sure of all (both) girls I kissed, it felt good. But this. This was what I was looking for. I finally felt what I was missing now that I had it.

We unlocked our kiss and I did a whole look-at-the-ground-then-look-at-her thing over and over until I finally decided to speak.

“I’m really glad you came today.” I said while holding her hand.
“I am too.”
“So, would it ruin the moment if I asked you to go to prom with me?”
“Finally, I thought I was going to have to be the one to ask you.”
“Is that a yes?”
“It’s a yes.”

She rested her head on my shoulder and we continued our movie.

“This is still a bad movie though.”

(To be continued)

I didn’t date much in high school. At least, not in the beginning. Hell, I’m not even sure how many girls I could even look in the eye while carrying a conversation. This also proved to be troublesome as most girls I spoke to would think I was staring at their chest. It made no sense. Aside from a select few, most of the girls were underdeveloped, so there was nothing really for me to stare at. Anyway, my freshman and sophomore years of high school were quite lacking in entertaining those of the opposite sex.

By my junior year, this had changed a bit. No longer did my eyes dart down (at least, not unintentionally) nor did my voice stutter or crack. Things were finally starting to look up. I had even started attending those hormonally charged events known as school dances. I liked dances, didn’t matter that I didn’t really dance. I went to hang out with friends and practice the art of talking to girls. Most times, the girls I went with were just friends of mine. They were simply able to hang out with me without the fear that I’d slip my hand down the front of their dress or try anything along those lines. Like I said, I was still young.

Back then, I also had no reservations about the nature of women. My emotional kneecaps hadn’t been blown out yet by the realization that girls don’t want a nice guy, they want a bad guy that they turn nice. The cold hand of this reality would soon slap me across my face towards the end of my high school life. I had been perfectly content being the “friend” of a lot of girls because of my disgustingly average looks and the fact that I was, indeed, a nice guy. Plus, I wasn’t sure how to like a girl because I had no real feelings for any of the girls I had dated for any length of time. Which was usually anywhere between a week and a month, so basically years in terms of a high school kid.

Then came senior prom.

The prom was swiftly approaching and I had absolutely no one to take. The fact of the matter was that every teen romantic comedy, as well as teen comedy on TV (I’m looking at you, Boy Meets World) told me I needed to take someone I actually like to the prom. If not for no other reason, the fact that after the dinner and dancing, I was supposed to lose my virginity. The rational, soft voice in my head told me that most of my friends would probably lie about having sex just to keep up appearances, but I wouldn’t even be able to that because I didn’t have a date. I was screwed. Metaphorically. Which, unfortunately, was the only way I was going to be.

The bell rang and a unison sound of desks and chairs scraping the ground drowned out our teacher, Mr. Parker, announcing our biology homework. I walked out the door and headed to my locker. My locker was conveniently on the west end of the school right next to the exit so leaving was easy. I loved the internal map I had to make coming and going easy.

The loudspeaker came on and an overly bubbly voice started speaking.
“Hey there, super seniors and jolly juniors, this is Michelle reminding you not to forgot prom night is coming up. Grab your tickets now before it’s too late! It’s going to be an awesome time! See ya there!”
Every word was like a nail into my heart. And ears. Definitely my ears too. A high pitched voice like that should not be screaming in my ear. My head hit my locker door lightly a couple of times.

“Daniel!” A familiar, bubbly voice came from behind me.
I turned around to see Michelle with another girl. The girl was a little shorter than me with brown hair, wide hazel eyes and wearing light colored jeans and a pink Blink-182 tee. She was thin but somehow her clothes still complimented her body. She looked familiar, but the name escaped me.

“Hey Michelle, what’s up?” My question somewhat cut off by a sudden hug from Michelle. The little blonde girl had a bear hug most professional wrestlers would envy.

“It’s so good to see you I never see you anymore are we still in the same class oh I totally forgot I switched out of that period because of cheer and I’ve got so much to do with prom coming up have you bought tickets yet my boyfriend did already so I don’t have to worry but what about you?” She smiled a very toothy smile and just stared at me waiting for my response.

“I, uh, I don’t know how many actual questions were in that sentence but no I haven’t.” My hand scratched the back of my head and I looked away in slight embarrassment. Unfortunately in doing so I made eye contact with the other unintroduced girl. She was smiling, then she looked down.

“Ohmygodwhy?” Michelle asked. “Don’t you have a date?”

I took a deep breath and wondered why a merciful, loving god hadn’t struck me down yet.

“No, I don’t, Michelle.”

“Ohmygodthat’ssosad. I thought you’d have one by now.”

Rock from the sky. Lightning bolt. Rabid dogs. Death, please.

“Well, you know, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I haven’t even really given it too much thought.”

“You should! It’ll be one of the last times we’ll all see each other.” She turned to the other girl, “Stephanie, I left my binder in the council office!”

Stepanie looked at me, then back at Michelle. “You should go get it.”

“Please.” I added.

“I’ll be right back, then we’ll leave. We’ve got banners to paint!” Michelle turned and started speed walking to the office.

“Maybe when she gets back we can do this in the courtyard so that more of the school can see my spirit break.”
“Will there be snacks sold? Or can I bring my own?”
“It’s actually a package deal with the tickets I’ll be selling.”
“After we paint the banner, we can make one for you, too.”
“I’ll put the ad in the school paper: ‘Come for the humiliation, stay for the cake!’”

We both started laughing.

“She can be a handful. She means well, but she doesn’t quite get the use of tact or subtlty.”
“Riddlin might help.”

Stephanie giggled. “I’m Stephanie.”
“I’m Daniel. How do I know you? Or of you? You seem familiar.”
“Oh I’m, this is weird to say, but I used to date Gene, you know him right?”

I suddenly felt every punch to my stomach I received from middle school. Gene was as bad as a person could be. A grade up from me but still took the time to make sure I remembered my place. I think he got his power from eating the souls of those younger and weaker than him. The only thing he had going for him was the fact that he was good looking. The whole tall dark and handsome thing was going well for him. Who needs personality when you look good?

“Oh yeah, yeah I know Gene. That’s too bad you two broke up.”
“That’s sweet but it’s for the best, really. I haven’t really told anyone, it happened a fewweeks ago but I don’t want the fake sympathy crap I’m sure I’ll get.”
“If it makes you feel better I hated the guy. Like so much. Things can only get better from here. Or so I’m told.”
“Thank you,” she said with a smile, “I haven’t really gotten to laugh too much lately.”

“I got it!”

Great. Michelle’s back.

Stephanie pulled out a pen from her hair and a crumpled up paper from her pocket and wrote very quickly.

“It’s Friday, so not past midnight.” she jammed the paper in my hand and pushed me out the door.

I walked away and glanced back, then opened the paper and smiled. Her phone number. Obviously. What else would she write down? I just wouldn’t have assumed that. I’d never gotten a number like that before. Without asking I mean. And even with asking it usually ends in shame.

A car drove stopped at the stop sign where I was crossing, Stephanie was in the passenger seat and I could see, and hear Michelle talking. Stephanie smiled at me then they took off.

As a great woman once said, “Face it, Tiger, you just hit the jackpot.”

(To be continued)

Dr. Nemesis is my new favorite X-Men character.

“Daniel? It’s Mom, have you been to see Grandma lately? I don’t even know why I ask, she called me yesterday and told me you were supposed to be there Friday and here we are on Sunday and you haven’t gone yet. You know what you mean to her. Just go there for an hour and let her know you haven’t forgotten about her. I love you. Bye.”

How could I forget? I’m reminded every week. I put my phone down after listening to her voicemail and rolled back over in bed.

Mind you, it’s not that I don’t love my grandma. I do. It’s just I normally am really busy. Work and an active social life really do take it’s toll. I see her during family gatherings. That’s not bad. At least I make it to those. Granted, the last one I went to was about three months ago. Alright four. But I’ve called her since then. Once. Twice even. Actually, I could have gone on Friday but I was so happy I had this weekend off that I just needed to sit at home and relax. Have a few beers and sleep all day. Watch some movies. Everyone needs some days to unwind, right? Dammit.

I decided I should see my grandma today.

I could probably make it to her house by one, stay there for an hour or two and then be on my way. Good deed done for the day and a well deserved drink would be waiting for me after. I took a quick shower, got dressed and went out the door.

The drive to grandma’s house wasn’t long at a all, a meager twenty minutes, which usually went by faster while listening to music. A few minutes into the drive I realized I didn’t call her to tell her I was coming. Which means she may or may not be home. Well there’s an easy out if I’ve ever seen one. Like I said, it’s not that I don’t love her, it’s just I don’t really know what we have in common now. This always makes it a little hard keeping up conversation for more than a few minutes. Grandma can be funny sometimes, but there’s only so much you can go on.

‘Grandma’. Suddenly I realized that I had never given her a nickname. A bunch of my friends had given theirs one, but I didn’t. Is that weird? I feel like that might be weird. No ‘gam-gam’ or ‘gammy’ or whatever else people come up with. Maybe even as a kid I had a sense of what would sound ridiculous later in life.

I pulled up to her house, walked up to the door and knocked. I stood there looking at the old two story house she lived in. I can’t believe how long I stayed here as a kid during the summer. Everything still looks the same, just worn down. The blue paint seems dull and dirty while the porch looked like it may be rotted, it still creaks noisily enough so maybe it’s not rotted. Also, I’m sure someone would’ve fallen through at some point.

I snapped out of my daydream and realized she hadn’t answered. I peeked around the corner and saw her white Buick parked in front of the garage. That tells me that she’s either asleep, or she walked to the store. She never takes naps so she had to have gone to the store.

There’s a small market about four blocks down the way. I looked down the block and I could almost see my grandma and I walking towards the market to get ice cream or chips or sweet bread. It was a daily thing between us on the days I would stay over. Even back then, she hated that Buick. Which is why she walked everywhere, unless it was completely unreasonable. I think three miles was the end of reason for her. Which is much farther than my six blocks of reason.

With nostalgia creeping, I decided to just go inside and wait for her. True, I could leave, but I came here, I might as well say hi. I could always tell her I have some place to be anyway. I went along the side to the back and pulled her key from a small birdhouse hanging near the door, unlocked her back door and went in.

I walked through the kitchen and a flood of memories nearly drowned me. In a good way. I looked at some of the walls in the kitchen and saw old drawings I had done in crayon. I had wanted to make the walls nicer so I drew people and animals, some even interacted with the areas. For example, there was a line drawn from the wall on the counter top that went to the floor and stick figures climbing the line like rope. All my drawings were still there. Faded, but they didn’t look like there was an attempt to clean them.

I saw the same old refrigerator that held a childhood’s worth of meals. Anytime I was hungry, especially when I was little, I’d run into her room and wake her up then we’d go downstairs and she’d somehow found a way to make something, whether that fridge looked empty or not. Never angry that I woke her up and always singing whike cooking. Speaking of, I hadn’t eaten all day. I just got up and came here. I opened the fridge and had a look around. Still drinking Sprite. Diabetes be damned. I grabbed a can and closed the door. Grandma will make me something when she got back, I can’t even pronounce half the stuff in that fridge, much less make something out of it.

I walked through the small hallway and looked at all the pictures, each one marked with a date. Her and I at Disneyland, the beach, the boardwalk, parks and birthday parties. Some with her and grandpa. He died when I was really little. I barely remember him, but there he was, with us in some of the pictures. Maybe I have been away too long. Or just not around enough.

I continued into the living room drinking my soda and I heard faint noise. The T.V. was on. It looked like Golden Girls. I never really caught on to that show no matter how many times I had watched it with grandma. Looks like old habits die hard after all. As a kid, any time we left, she would leave the T.V. on to trick burglars into thinking someone was home. I smiled to myself at the absurdity.

I took out my phone and set a text to grandma:

At your house. Hurry back so we can eat lunch.

I know she won’t be able to figure out how to send something back, but at least she knows I’m here. I sent the message to her.

Moments later a buzzing came from the coffee table in front of the couch. I walked around to the front of the couch and dropped my soda.

“Grandma?”
She was laying there. Still. Eyes closed.
I slowly walked over to her and touched her shoulder.
“Grandma?” I shook her a little. “Grandma, wake up.”
She didn’t move. I shook again. Eyes burning.
“Grandma, wake up, I’m hungry. You gotta make me some food.”
Her arm fell a little. My voice broken.
“Grandma, please I came all the way over here to see you. I’m gonna go if you don’t wake up. Please?”
No answer.

I stood up and called 911.

What happened next was the longest blur of my life. Sirens. People through the door. People asking me what happened. Some apologies. Mom and Felicia came and I don’t remember calling them. Felicia is crying. Mom is crying. I’m crying. I’m sitting, I’m standing. Why didn’t I come sooner? Spilled soda on her carpet. Suddenly she was gone. Taken by people. I didn’t get to say goodbye. More questions. More apologies. Until it was just the three of us.

I never gave her a nickname.